Nathan and Kendra gave my mom some sunflowers on Friday night. My mom handed them to my dad and asked him to cut the stems and put them in water. My dad, being a lazy frickin' bum, decided he'd save 5 seconds by not getting a cutting board and would just use a butcher knife to cut the stems in the air. He cut something all right. His pinky finger. He acted all nonchalant, like he hadn't just nearly cut his finger OFF and excused himself from the room.
When he came back we insisted that he show it to Kendra, who happens to be a doctor. Dr. Kendra advised that he go to urgent care for some proper irrigation, a tetanus shot and stiches. My dad went out to the garage and came back with a stitch kit from the Vietnam war so Kendra could stitch him in the kitchen. After much arguing back and forth about the need for sanitary conditions and anaesthesia (and that a shot of bourbon doesn't count as anaesthesia), my dad went to urgent care. Irrigation and a tetanus shot were given. Stitches weren't required, but proper bandaging was performed.
The next day my dad noticed that Geech had split open his nail all the way up to the quick. Geech and my dad headed off to urgent care, the canine edition where the vet removed the whole nail.
Now my dad and Geech have matching bandages.