Sandy

I need to write this post.  I don't want to write this post, but I need to.

Sandy was my friend.  She was a good friend.  A close friend.  We met each other in August 2004 when we both started working at Frank School.  Sandy had been teaching for a number of years and was a principal for many of those.  It was my first job as a speech therapist.  Our rooms were right next to each other and I could hear Sandy teaching all day long.  We didn't officially meet until the 2nd week of school and I had created this image of the person on the other side of the door based on her voice.  When I finally met her she is not at all what I pictured.  I shared that story with her later that year.  We both thought it was funny.

Sandy and I instantly hit it off.  We would chat every day before and after school.  Sandy and I both worked at Frank for 3 years.  Then I went off to have baby Spencer and she went to teach at another district.  I've always thought it was neat that we came to that school the same year and left the same year.  It was destiny.

This is Sandy (with Amy) at my baby shower for Spencer.

And meeting Spencer for the 1st time when he was a couple of weeks old.

After Sandy and I no longer worked together you might think that our friendship would have dwindled.  We weren't the same age, we didn't really have the same circle of friends and we didn't live incredibly close to each other.  The opposite was true.  I think we grew closer after we both left Frank.  We talked on the phone often and once Spencer got to be about 1, met for breakfast or lunch on a pretty regular basis. 

Sandy at the baby shower I had for Amy

Sandy and me at Elliott's baby shower in November

I called Sandy a couple of days after I was admitted to the hospital with premature labor in December.  I left a message but she didn't call me back.  I left another message.  Then I started to worry, because it wasn't like her to not call me back.  After I had been there for a week she called me in the hospital.  #1. She laughed at me for being in premature labor and said I was too predictable (she meant it with love and concern)  #2.  She said that she herself had gotten really sick and she had gone to Tucson to stay with her sister.  All of a sudden there was a big shift and of course I was so concerned about her.  She assured me that the doctors were pretty convinced she had an autoimmune disease and that she was meeting with a specialist in January.  We had a nice chat and I hung up the phone not so concerned anymore.

Fast forward to the 2nd day of Elliott's hospitalization with sepsis.  I got an email from her sister, Sue, asking that I please call her.  I knew immediately what Sue was going to tell me.  Even though there was no reason to suspect it, I just knew, in my heart, that Sue was calling to tell me that Sandy was gone.

I called Sue immediately, despite the fact that I had been crying about Elliott for 2 days and had been unable to talk to anyone for those 2 days.  Unfortunately, I was right.  Sandy had died on Christmas Eve.  She had terminal cancer that was not diagnosed until 2 days before she died.  The last time I saw her was at Elliott's baby shower.  The last time I talked to her was when I was in the hospital. 

Well, you can imagine how this went over with me.  I was crying so hard that eventually Sue had to ask if somebody else was there that she could talk to.  Poor Sue.  Here she was breaking this awful news and she had to be the strong one.

I have really not even begun to grieve the loss of Sandy.  The initial shock of it was overshadowed by Elliott's illness.  The day I found out about Sandy, we still didn't even have a diagnosis for him.  And now, for the last 2 months I have been in the trenches of taking care of a baby with medical issues and a needy 4 year old. 

 I felt, and still feel, so much guilt for never having called Sandy after Elliott was born. I actually did call her at Sue's house, but didn't leave a message. Then I was just so tired those first 2 weeks that I never tried again. It breaks my heart that I didn't get to talk to her one more time. And it's selfish.  It would have been for my benefit, not hers because I wanted to tell her about Elliott.  It hurts my heart that the picture of me and Sandy at Elliott's shower is the last time I ever saw her.  How could I have not known she was so sick?

Every once in a while a thought will occurr to me and I think, I need to call Sandy and tell her.  Then it hits me like a brick wall.  I can never call her again.  I will never hear her voice again.  I still haven't been able to take her phone number out of speed dial.  It was always so comforting calling Sandy.  I knew I was going to get a listening ear, a sympathetic shoulder and good advice- no matter what I was calling about.

Sue and I have talked several times since that initial time in the hospital.  We decided that we need to lean on each other, but I haven't even been able to do that with these kids of mine.  

Sandy was one of the wisest people I knew.  She always knew just what to tell me, be it work advice, family advice or raising Spencer advice.  Sandy was a prinicpal at a school in Egypt and also worked in the native american village at the bottom of the grand canyon.  She had also traveled the world.  She knew a thing or two about life.  She was kind.  And patient.  So, so, so patient.  She is a person that other people want to emulate.  I know I always did.

I have no idea how to end this little memorial to Sandy that I have going here.  There are so many things I want to share about her.  So many feelings I have about losing her.  The only thing I can think to do is to make a list of the things that will always remind me of Sandy:     

Egypt- I loved hearing her stories about her time there.

Michael's arts and crafts- We used to go shopping there together for various projects- usually home stuff for me and school stuff for her.

Crepes- we met for crepes and coffee (for me.  Sandy wasn't a coffee drinker) a couple of times in recent years

Mimi's Cafe- a favorite spot for breakfast

The Olive Garden- a favorite spot for lunch.  We last me there in October.  I think of that lunch every time I drive by that Olive Garden

Sunflowers- I bought Sandy a sunflower chalk board for her birthday once.  She put it in her bathroom, which I loved.

Harry Potter- Sandy and I spent HOURS talking about the books and the movies.  We went to Barnes and Noble together (with her sister Sue) when book 7 was released.  Then we went to Mimi's Cafe to talk about what we expected to happen.  That was less than 2 months before Spencer was born.

Teachers- She was, without a doubt, the best teacher I've ever seen in action.

Spencer's Jumperoo- Sandy gave this to me when I was pregnant with him.  I will now think of her every time I put Elliott in it.

This little turtle- Sandy got it for Spencer for his 1st birthday.  We've never been able to put it away with the rest of his "baby" toys because he still plays with it all the time.  Elliott will have to pry it out of Spencer's hands in 8 months.

Sandy gave me a Target gift card for Elliott.  I was looking at the few gift cards we have left the other day.  We have 1 Target one left and I turned it over to see that it said, From Sandy.  That is not on purpose and it made me happy and sad at the same time.  We're going to buy something extra special that will remind me of her whenever we use it.

Sandy was in a hospice in Tucson when she died.  She told her sister that she wanted people to do a random act of kindness in her memory.  Something like pay for the groceries of the person behind you in line or leave a big tip for a waitress. 

I have been on house arrest with Elliott so I haven't done my random act yet.  Once we are out and about though I plan on making it sort of a regular thing in my life.

Will you do me a favor and do something in the memory of my friend Sandy?