Comeuppance

Spencer was 3-years, 9-months old on Monday.  We are fast approaching the big 4.  He knows his birthday is coming soon and whenever we discuss it he starts whispering.  Whispering about his party, whispering about getting presents, whispering about his cake.  He's pretty dang excited.

We marked the 3-9 with some pictures in his new coonskin cap, a gift from my mom and dad.

He insists the tail goes in the front.

He giggles when he puts this on and says he looks like a girl.  I'll have to check the girls in his class and see if any of them have ringed, tail-like hair.

So.  We have been very lucky/had pretty effective parenting techniques in that Spencer has never been a destructive kid.  He's never broken stuff on purpose, never colored on the walls, never smashed chocolate cookies into the couch.  I can't actually think of a single example of something broken or messed up on purpose (food on the face doesn't count)  (neither does that poop incident when he was 18 months) (neither does all of the toys and 1 shoe he threw in the garbage during his everything goes in the garbage phase).

We were cleaning toys up tonight when Spencer revealed his very first, "honey, why did you do that?"

It's not terribly bad.  It still works.  It just doesn't look good.  He took a permanent marker and colored all over his wooden crane set from IKEA.

My first thought, my very very first thought, was, "Damn.  This has been a long time coming", since my brothers and I have a looooooong history of destruction of our parents property/things.

A little bit of visual background first.

This is me and my brothers with our great grandfather.  I was about 5, Nathan was 8 and Nick was 3.  Our great grandfather was in his late-80's but looks like he was in his early 120's.  I blacked out our not- relevant-to-the-story-cousins.  My favorite part about this picture is how I am wearing an ill-fitting one piece jumpsuit.  Hey, it was 1985.

This picture represents us as "young" children.

Here's a family picture from 1990.  Nathan was 13, I was 11 and Nick was 9.  My favorite parts about this picture are how my dad is wearing a turtleneck and the print on my mom's sweatshirt is reversed.  Was our picture taken in a mirror?

This represents "mid" childhood.

1995.  Nathan is 18, I am 16 and Nick is 14.  Do you see how I always had a beagle and a basset hound during my childhood?

This represents our "late" childhood.

When Nathan was about 6 he got a tape player/recorder for Christmas.  He had it for a couple of weeks when he took it outside, peed on it and buried it in the dirt.  Nathan also once peed behind the couch, because he was too lazy to walk to the bathroom.

When Nick was about 3 (and it was OK for parents to leave kids in the car) my mom left all of us in the car while she ran into the grocery store.  Nick had to pee so he peed in the ash tray.

When I was 12 I had a friend spend the night.  We decided to pop popcorn in the popcorn maker.  When we were done I turned it over on the counter, didn't unplug it and left it on for 8 hours.  Burnt a HUGE hole in the kitchen counter.

When Nick was about 10 my (brilliant) dad handed him the keys to the truck and asked him to move it forward about 5 feet in the driveway.  Nick had never driven, let alone driven a manual vehicle, so he pretended he knew how to throw it into gear, moved it into reverse and backed over the gate, ripping the entire thing to the ground.  That was actually all my dad's fault.

I had a friend over in about 5th grade.  We were playing "restaurant".  This involved messing around in the "wine cellar".  We broke a whole bottle of red on the light carpet in the basement.

Speaking of carpet.  One of the dogs peed on the carpet.  My mom handed me a bottle of cleaner and told me to go clean it.  The cleaner ended up being pure bleach.  I blame the dog and my mom for that one though.

When Nathan was 16 he backed out of the garage and hit my dad's friend's porsche in the driveway.  My dad didn't want Nathan's premiums to go up on the insurance so he self-paid for the damage to the tune of $1,000.

When I was 16 I drove Nick to school.  I didn't have school that day so I came home ready to go back to bed.  Pulling into the garage I sneezed, hit the wall, knocked a huge chunk of stucco out and ripped up the side of the car.

When Nick was 16 he decided to home brew some beer for a father's day present.  After it brewed for a couple of months he drove it over to Nathan's house so Nathan could sample it.  On the way the jiggling caused the cap to shoot off and literally blew up the windshield of the mini-van. 

My parents bought me brand new bedroom furniture when I was 13.  I had had it all of a month when I spilled nail polish remover on the desk and ruined the finish.

When Nick was 17 he drove home, parked in the garage and failed to notice that the catalytic converter was sitting on a dog bed.  It nearly blew up the whole garage.

 These are the examples that I can think of in less than 5 minutes.  If I polled my parents and my brothers I'm sure I could come up with about $20,000 more damage.

And that doesn't even include medical emergencies- Nathan's broken hand and subsequent surgery, my 2 brokern arms, Nick's broken collar bone, Nick's broken arm and subsequent surgery, Nick's broken jaw and subsequent surgery to wire his mouth shut.

So, you see.  I am owed.  I am expecting a ruined couch any day now.

Although I think Nick might have been the most expensive child, so (if he ever has kids) he has the most comeuppance headed his way.