My grandma died a year ago today.
I really miss her.
It's weird to spend 32 years talking to someone at least weekly and seeing them all the time and then go to just nothing. I still think to myself, "oh I should call her and tell her about....." when I realize that I can't. That seriously happens like once a week.
It still makes me sad that Elliott will never know her. I've been working at maintaining the memories that Spencer has of her, but this was the only time Elliott met her. It was in January, 6 weeks after she broke her hip. She was still in rehab and there was still a small chance that she could recover. This was before she really started rapidly declining in health. Elliott was 6 weeks old.
When my mom called me last year to tell me that my grandma had died that morning I remember not feeling anything. Not sad, not angry, not anxious. Just nothing. March was the height of Elliott's liver disorder when we thought he was on his way to total liver failure and all I can remember thinking was that I could not possibly deal with one more emotion or my chest would just literally rip open and everything would explode out.
I do remember being relieved that he had outlived her. How messed up is that? I actually felt relieved that my 3 month old baby didn't die before my 94 year old grandmother.
She found out that Elliott had been in the hospital with sepsis a few weeks after he came home. I actually told her right before we took these pictures. Nobody wanted to upset her with that information while he was in the PICU and so critical, so everybody expained my mom's absence as just "oh, she's helping with the baby.".
Nobody ever told her about his liver issues. I lied through my teeth during this visit when I told her that he was fine. I did feel guilty in the weeks after she died that we had kept that from her. But it really would have served no purpose for her to have known, so I'm OK with it now.
I love this picture. Elliott is her 4th great grandchild. I'm sure there will be more (not from me), but he was the last one she got to meet.
I DO NOT think it is an accident that Elliott's health took a drastic turn for the better in the weeks after she died. Say what you will about the afterlife and miracles, but she had something to do with that.
That's it for the deep thoughts. Sorry if that totally bummed you out.
Moving on to less serious topics.
I got a coupon for a free photo book last week. I made one for our 2nd trip to Disneyland in October 2011 (I know, procrastinate much?). Then Michael mentioned yesterday that he got an email for a free photo book as well. I tried. I really, really, really tried to get it done by 11:59 pm, but when I went to check out I had to change the address and the credit card info and it flipped from 11:59 to 12:00 just as I hit purchase and it denied the code. I was very disappointed at midnight.
The book is done though, so when I get another offer in 6 months I can just order it.....days before the deadline.
On the Friday before spring break there was a training at my school. I did not attend because I don't work on Fridays. During one of the breaks they recorded a Harlem Shake video. It is hilarious. I saw it this morning when I got to work and then watched it about 2.9 million times during the day. Probably because I know all of these people and I know their personalities, but this is just so, so, so funny to me.
You can click HERE to go to youtube to watch it. The guy at the beginning in the roadrunner mask is our principal, Eric. The guy doing the frantic crazy push ups is our school counselor, James. I think he is the funniest part of the video. There is also a person dressed up like a taco in the middle that is just totally flipping out. I'm pretty sure that is Leanne, a 3rd grade teacher and a friend of mine. Something about her in that costume blows my mind. She has 5 sons, which also blows my mind every time we talk about them.
And finally.
Easter decorations.
Spencer painted a lot of sun catchers during his spring break.
Still my favorite mirror clings of all time. They just never get old. I think I bought them 10 years ago in 2003. Maybe 2002. Wow. I'm old.
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2 comments:
Okay I am obsessed with the Harlem shake and this is one of the best versions I've seen!!! And your principal looks like a babe. Yowsa!
I love the pics of your Gma and Elliott :)
Awww, this post did start out as a heartbreaker! Yes, it does sound like she was Elliott's guardian angel looking out for him. I know last year was such a hard year, but it seems like this year is already so much better,right? I guess I read this post at an especially hard time because I just got a call from my dad this morning that my Grandma in California is not doing well. They'll probably be putting her in a nursing home as she is so weak and has been fighting double pneumonia. I was just really hoping we would get to see her to celebrate her 90th in just a couple more years. She just celebrated her 88th. Glad you ended the post on a better note...all the Easter decorations make me happier! I love Easter! I could probably fill the house with bunny goodness from all my old childhood stuff I saved, but I can't get Eddie to get it down from storage. Ha!
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